And The Sun Pissed Red

I've been good for weeks now I'm telling ya I'm in controlI've got my shit together I know when I should foldIt's just tonight nothing at all to fearYou'll be with me all the time it's not like I could run off anywhereI go right home, but I won't be aloneA thousend in cash and a mobile phoneI don't know how I'll stopI sure can't tell you whenI am lost in that whirpool againDon't think I'll ever stopCan't see a reason whyOnly dying makes me feel, feel aliveIt's that constant burden of trying to make it bearableWhen my life is so fucked up and so far from reparableThat make me look for that final nail for my coffinIt's way past midnight but I find hundreds in the nothing(The same lies I've told everybody including myself a hundred times)I go right home, I won't be aloneA thousend in cash and a mobile phoneI don't know how I'll stopI sure can't tell you whenI am lost in that whirpool againDon't think I'll ever stopCan't see a reason whyOnly dying makes me feel aliveWide awake, I never went to bedNaked by the window,And the sun is pissing redMy hands look rusty, guess my nose has bledThen I remember what my father said, what he saidI don't know how I'll stopI sure can't tell you whenI am lost in that whirpool againDon't think I'll ever stopCan't see a reason whyOnly dying makes me feel alive