Quandary

I still remember when it started. How do we fall asleep? Unanswered it kept meawake. Am I a series of reactions (A constant domino effect from the big bang&nothing lost, nothing gained, everything changes) or have I been perverting myessence since birth, with every action I regret? Is true self a labyrinthinecourse towards my metaphoric heart or rather the whole of my destiny's design?Or is the whole of myself a quest to balance these states? Therefore I'd be aquandary, a state of perplexity or doubt. But did an enigma lay dormant 'tilunearthed or did the question create the state? Crudely said: Is it my fault?If the answer is that there is no answer and the question will not die whatthen? How do they pass trough life with (or without) these questions? If itwould, at least, block my reasoning at myself: For if I do not understand mymind, what is it worth trying to figure out the world? Why do I still try? Andfinally I question the very basis of the crisis, is this a lucid state? Andwhat if it's all genetic? Depression passed down, wires shorted out.Pre-disposed to think? Pre-disposed to be sick? Seems like this is the deepestit goes… my own body, which I cannot trust, so no reasoning is possible. I'mforever blocked at my first step… and sometimes I think I'd rather stumble likethe blind. The final level of questioning, self-doubt leads to nihilism. Noknowledge will ever be gained. But with silence comes questions. Unansweredthey'll keep me awake…