The History of Utah

He was a riverboat gambler He was the son of the chief of police He was a riverboat gambler He was the son of the chief of police He drove around in a Rambler And he had a message from the chief He drove around in a Rambler He had a message from the chief And old Joe did and said as he would Took all the shopping carts in the mall And took 'em to Utah, which was Zion He built an empire out of the desert Out of the dust and the sand, just like Las Vegas But he never took the rap that the mafia did And he thought the Indians were some lost 13 dudes But he didn't treat 'em any better And they were never on his side They drove their pickup trucks out into the desert Into a ditch along the side of the road And acted like they were drunk all the time And old Joe had 13 beady-eyed babies One of whom I used to go to school with He'd drive his car at 110 down the alleyway Throwing cinderblocks at trash cans And I declare on this occasion that I've never seen this heaven, or this place any differently But now and then I dream of the flying saucers, and they're coming to take us away